Ocean

Thoughts behaving like waves
They rise and fall
Some reach the shore
some crash against rocks

It’s hard to tell where they lead
They break as soon as I begin to follow
They all seem meaningful
Yet they amount to nothing
It is a test of patience

I yearn to create something of purpose
Or become someone with a reason to be
But I come up empty handed
Every time I dive into my ocean
Nothing seems to want to come to the surface

I see so much potential
And try so hard to give it direction
But maybe I am just delusional,
and those are somebody else’s expectations of me

After all

what have I ever accomplished?
I have failed to prove my worth to myself
I want to come up with something so desperately
Something that shakes the world to its core
But
in reality
I just want to create something
That proves to myself that I am worth existing

It gets harder by the day to swim in this ocean
Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth the effort
Should I keep swimming or should I sink?
Drown under just like my reflection
into my reflection

Sometimes
when I am just beneath the surface
I try to turn around to catch my breath
But suddenly I find myself caught in the current
There’s no room for air, only suffocation
Is it my mind telling me to quit?
I want to make something out of this ocean
The splashes I make aren’t enough to keep me floating